Hot Soppressata, Pepperoni & Salami Stromboli
Want to see a magic trick?
It’s where I disappear for six weeks and you don’t see or hear a peep on this blog… and then one day, BOOM. I’m back.
Actually that’s a pretty sh*tty trick and I’m sorry I abandoned you for so long. Again. Don’t worry, there really is real magic here in this post - you didn’t click in vain. I’ll get to that in a moment.
It’s been a rip-roaring January through mid-February, featuring MANY delicious meals and 17 full days of sobriety (I usually give up drinking for the full month of January, but we took a quick trip to Sonoma for MLK weekend and honestly I’d rather die than not be able to drink wine in wine country.) In the last six weeks, I’ve been to Washington DC, San Francisco, Detroit, Puerto Vallarta, Los Angeles, Boston, and Los Angeles again. After that much time away from Chicago, I started to really miss it. And when I realized this weekend that I would be home here for a full week (!) I knew just what I needed to do.
I needed to make some hibernation food.
For a little bit of background: I like to keep my pizza intake up around ~ 1 medium-sized pie per month or I start going through withdrawal. And as it turns out, I had been depriving my body of the critical nutrients that pizza provides for nearly TWO MONTHS. It had been since late December since my last slice. WT actual F kind of masochistic self-depravation is this? No one should live like that.
Doctor, this girl needs a pizza-like substance in her bloodstream, STAT.
Enter: the magic trick.
On a hungover Sunday morning, in 30 minutes flat, I turned this pile of random groceries into the BEST stromboli of all time.
This is like a Kylie Kardashian before plastic surgery picture.
And this is Kylie after.
Meaty, cheesy, crusty, saucy heaven.
Take all of your pride as a home chef and #sendit right out the window, because not one word of this recipe can be considered “real cooking.” Any mammal with opposable thumbs could make it. It’s really more of just assembling a few items, rolling them up, and putting them in the oven. And what it becomes is truly magic.
Let’s take it from the top.
Hot Soppressata, Pepperoni & Salami Stromboli
Ingredients (Serves 4 an entree-sized portion, serves 6 as a side)
1 roll Pillsbury Pizza Crust
4 oz. thin-sliced hot soppressata
4 oz. thin-sliced Genoa salami
4 oz. pepperoni
1/2 cup Rao’s marinara (or your favorite jarred pasta sauce. But I will say Rao’s is the best and is available at most grocery stores, so if you can find it, it’s worth the extra $3.)
4 oz. fresh mozzarella cheese
4 oz. sliced provolone cheese
1 egg, lightly beaten
Oregano or Basil to taste (I use Penzey’s Pasta Sprinkle which is a combo of both)
Garlic powder to taste
Salt to taste
Directions
Preheat your oven to 400°F. While it heats, unroll the pizza dough onto a parchment-lined baking sheet.
Spread the sauce across the crust, leaving about 2 inches of room at the bottom.
Layer your sliced soppressata, salami, and pepperoni evenly across the sauce covered crust.
Layer the provolone and sliced fresh mozzarella evenly across the meats. I cut my cheese into smaller pieces to help the roll-up process go smoothly.
Take the sauce end (not the end with the 2 inches of room) and roll up length-wise, tucking in the ends of the dough and pinching to seal in the sauce. When you reach the bottom two inches, press into the rolled loaf to seal.
Place the whole thing, seam-side down, and cut tiny slits into the top of the roll to help steam escape.
Brush with the beaten egg, and sprinkle with salt, garlic powder and oregano.
Bake for 20 minutes or until golden brown. Serve immediately.
Stromboli.
It’s easy as one.
two.
three.
it’s simple as do - re - mi.
Abracadabra. The most delicious thing you’ve ever tasted. And you barely had to do anything. In fact, it was about as complicated as making a pizza Lunchable.™
I’ve made other versions (hello, sausage and giardiniera!) that I’ll post at some point, too. But really, you could roll up any sauce, cheese, and meat in Pillsbury dough and it would be just as good.*
*Almost. Almost as good. I don’t know if anything else will ever compare to this.
That’s all for now. Stromboli out.
